Journals from the Jungle III: What broke?

On the force of it when it releases.

“To exit society and culture, which I have never actually engaged fully or comfortably with. I worked so hard to get there. And, I worked so hard to get here, which is to say that I worked so hard to get out of there. I study myself both because I am one of you, and not like you.”

The following are unedited journal excerpts—a series of stories from my recent travels. XOR

DAY EIGHT CONTINUED

I am moving so slowly now. Not reading, not working, just staring … being. The stillness from last night is here again. I cry again, struggling to describe what’s happening.

I had another thought that I came here to write about but seem to have lost it. Thoughts hard to hold, which is such a rare and precious state for me—a relief.

Maybe it was something about the waves of energy finding their way out of me. First with the hard landing here, and the trouble unwinding, and then the severity of the sync. The force of it when it releases. Maybe too I am letting go of what was happening in New York. From this distance, it’s a little harder to feel the things. This dense and sensual jungle eclipses it all.