Journals from the Jungle V (double feature): I Forget Myself

She said, “this is what self-actualization looks like.”

The following are journal excerpts—a series of stories from my recent travels.

February 2024

DAY TEN
Post-surf: Feeling less emo, more happy. A good, hard, fun day in the waves—I am so beat up. Every surface of my body that isn’t soft is bruised and I love it. The nicks and bangs and bruises remind me of the strength of this tool—my body. Its aliveness, resilience, capacity to injure and heal. It reminds me of growing up in nature, which always seems to leave reminders of its presence on us. It makes me feel strong, or reminds me that I am. My whole body is humming and tingling with the energy and release of all of this. Carbonation in my veins, pooling sparkles in my pelvis, the base of my spine. I shake internally with the waning time. I will revel. I will savor. I will stay locked in—in sync.

Only two surfs remain now. So fleeting so much is, I can hardly bear it.

I have today, tomorrow, and Friday … I just want to soak it all in. I want to fully disappear into this. Absorb as much as possible and then … well, nothing.

When I realize the brevity of the time remaining, I don’t feel well.

I leave the beach as wind whips spray into rainbows over the surf and the hot, arid air lifts my hair which will be dry by the time I’m back to my room.